In keeping up with past traditions of playoff hair, I have shaven my face. My beard will look better than Brian Wilson’s after the San Francisco Giants won the World Series last year by the time Ryan Miller hoists the Stanley Cup in mid June (hopefully).
You all have until 7:30pm tonight to rid your playoff parts (faces/legs/etc) of any and all particles of hair. For if you do not, the hockey gods (and this writer) will reign down on you with the white hot intensity of 1000 suns (and I’ll make sure to laugh at you, but only for a little bit. I don’t want to hurt your feelings).